Miscellanea, Summer Edition

A few years ago, I bought several prints of women reading in different locations. This is one my favorites. I have spent many an hour in this exact position.

There’s a Substack I read that’s aimed at GenX women (actually there are a couple I read that fit that description, like this one), but this week one of them sent me down the nostalgia rabbit hole. Cheryl Wischhover at Good For Your Age wrote about Cover Girl’s attempt to rebrand themselves again for GenX women with money, and in it she wrote about the brand’s history and it’s famous taglines: “Easy, Breezy Beautiful — Cover Girl,” and “Cover Girl clean makeup by Noxema.” The article mentioned that during the Noxema era, the makeup actually smelled like Noxema and while I don’t remember that at all, man, I did love Noxema.

The fresh, almost minty smell of Noxema is one that I can recall without any effort at all. I don’t know what the purpose of Noxema actually was. A makeup remover? A cleanser? A moisturizer? I don’t know, but I do know that on the rare occasion I got a sunburn, the first thing I would buy was Noxema. It was probably terrible for sunburns in reality,¹ but there was nothing better than applying it to your burning cheeks or shoulders and then rinsing with cool water.

I’m heading to the beach next and I pray to the lord that I don’t get a sunburn, but I might just pick up some Noxema for old time’s sake.

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Speaking of summer smells and the beach, I posit that there is no better smell on earth than the original Hawaiian Tropic suntan oil. With zero SPF I might add. We didn’t dare use SPF — hell, that wasn’t even really a thing! I don’t remember anyone ever talking about SPF when I was a kid, though there was this horrible stuff my mother used to smear on my face when we were at the beach. It was greasy and yellow? It looked just like axel grease (see photo below) and she would make me stand there while she smeared it all over my face. I hated it and would squirm squinch up my face and she would always say, “you act like I’m smearing doo doo on your face.”

It looked EXACTLY like this.

I don’t remember what the brand was or anything, but thank god sunscreen technology has come a long way.

But man, old school Hawaiian Tropic, that was really the pinnacle of tanning technology. You’d slather yourself in that stuff and even if you had just the slightest bit of tan it would make your skin look amazing! And even after your shower, your skin would be so soft and there would still be a hint of the coconut smell.

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Also speaking of the beach, I’m a semi-reformed suntan junkie. As a teen it was my goal every summer to get as tan as possible, which wasn’t always easy given that I had no easy access to a pool or other body of water. I’d run an extension cord to an oscillating fan that I would set up next to my lounge chair in the back yard, getting up periodically to douse myself with the hose before lying back down. I’d give myself a quarter turn every half hour or so, like a roast turkey, to ensure an even tan. I would tune my purple boom box to a pop radio station out of the Greenville-Spartanburg area, and I would read, or sometimes nap.

In recent years when we’ve gone to the beach, I stay under the umbrella at all times and re-apply sunscreen every hour, but I would also stay out on the beach from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. with only a brief sojourn inside for lunch. But even though I stayed under the umbrella the whole time, I would still come home tan, more tan, in fact, than I really wanted to be,² knowing what I know about wrinkles and skin cancer.

So this year I’ve decided to do things differently. I’m going to go out at 8 but come back to the room at 10 and stay inside until around 1 or 2 and then go back out for a few hours. I didn’t join the neighborhood pool this year and as a result I haven’t gotten any sun at all this summer, and I don’t think it will be a good idea to expose my pale, virgin skin to too much sunlight all at once. Also, I’ve worked really hard to finally resolve some of the discoloration on my face, so I don’t want to set myself back just for a few extra hours on the beach. I know there’s at least one used book store near our hotel and a quick Google search tells me there are others nearby, along with some interesting looking consignment stores, so I think I will find ways to spend the time away from the beach. I’m also taking— counts under my breath — five books? Plus nearly unlimited on my Kindle. I think I’m set.

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After re-reading all this before hitting the publish button, I realize I sound like how someone who used to smoke talks about cigarettes. Like, we know it’s bad for us, but we would give anything to be able to do it again just one time. Maybe when I get really old and really wrinkled I’ll take up tanning again. Something to look forward to.

1. Actually, my internet “research” has just informed me that it was created in 1914 specifically as a sunburn remedy, so I feel better about that.

2. Who are we kidding? I still love a tan! But I’m older now, and wiser. Alas.